Hear Something...

Colossal fail.

2008-12-29T07:51:00.006-05:00

Resolution 2008 was to blog more, let it out, keep track of my progress in school by keeping a tidy list of "to dos" and "benchmarks". Fail. Perhaps it was a failure because I didn't make progress, and documenting said lack of progress became sort of depressing. Or maybe I just forgot or got lazy... who knows.

Just this past week I was discussing with Justin about how I never seem to have time to read blogs that I used to enjoy reading, so why bother writing one? Two reasons (for me).

1. my younger sister has started writing a blog (theartichokesdemise.blogspot.com). I figure this is a good way to respond to hers and to provide some more regular updates for the rest of the family. 2. I have (some) free time again now that I'm a recovering PhD student and I'm taking up my more regular hobbies again. I hope to keep project updates here (although we shall see how successfully I update, as Facebook, Ravelry, and Twitter are easier).

My year in review post will follow in the coming days, as will a new look to the blog.

another week...

2008-02-13T21:08:00.003-05:00

Month of February is now about half over... wowza. I'm still not following through on the "daily post", so need to work on that one... The monthly to do list is coming right along. Preparing lecture is turning out to be more time consuming than expected, but I think I'll get the hang of it soon. This week in addition to the italicized, I need to catch up on reading big time.

Also, Richie's birthday bash is this weekend, so I can't say I'll be super productive... oh well, mental health weekend :-)

~~1. email prospectus to entire committee (need to create spreadsheet of experiments to date first)~~
2. set up pre-prospectus meeting with committee
3. think about feedback and respond to mentor
4. first draft of outline for dissertation chapters
5. prep two lectures for class (finish one this week)
~~6. talk with adviser on new plan for experiments, including surgery updates~~
~~7. order extra batch of experimental animals,~~ ~~begin twice a week data collection~~
8. analyze any and all data collected
9. prepare presentation for CI class
~~10. prepare group led discussion for CI class~~
~~11. write response paper for business class~~
~~12. complete exam one for NEUS class~~

dreary tuesday

2008-02-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

from freezing, ice and snow to 60 degrees, rainy and flooding streets... can't we get a break?! just kidding, i much prefer the latter.

still going on the neuroscience exam, hoping to finish it tonight. it's been really difficult to locate resources that are written at my level... seems to be nothing between super genius and fifth grader. oh well, almost one step closer to completing that minor! yay!

yesterday's experiment didn't go well. another one bites the dust. we'll try again friday.

the monthly list is now as follows (w/weekly goals italicized):

1. email prospectus to entire committee (need to create spreadsheet of experiments to date first)
2. set up pre-prospectus meeting with committee
3. make any edits required for prospectus
4. first draft of outline for dissertation chapters
5. prep two lectures for class (one this week)
~~6. talk with adviser on new plan for experiments, including surgery updates~~
~~7. order extra batch of experimental animals,~~ begin twice a week data collection
8. analyze any and all data collected
9. prepare presentation for CI class
10. prepare group led discussion for CI class
11. write response paper for business class
12. complete exam one for NEUS class

caution: slippery when wet

2008-02-01T15:35:00.000-05:00

we were supposed to get a really nasty winter storm last night complete with snow and ice. it's not nearly as bad as anyone expected, but for some reason people still can't figure out how to drive or walk in it. i've been entertained for the last hour watching people slide down the hill outside the design house (on foot, not in vehicles).

so the big project for the weekend is the first take home exam for my cellular and molecular neuroscience class. the first question asks me to examine the idea of how our genes and behaviors interact, in this case investigating the molecular cause and possible treatments for phenylketonuria. phenylketonuria (which is an autosomic recessive disease) is characterized by the bodies inability to metabolize the amino acid phenylalanine, leading to eventual mental retardation via a lot of complicated molecular interactions. phenylalanine is abundant in many foods, therefore the simplest treatment is a strict diet eliminating any food that contains phenylalanine (meats for example). the problem with the treatment is that it's extremely hard to limit one's diet for their entire life. i mean can you imagine? don't eat that steak, honey, it could lead to permanent brain damage... yikes.

holy crap, tomorrow is february.

2008-01-31T12:29:00.000-05:00

where is the time going? this month went by so quickly, and i'm finding myself getting more and more behind my timeline of completion. yikes.

i've been noticing a lot of other female phd students have blogs like mine (only they are a bit better about updating, i'm afraid). hence, belated new years resolution one: blog more.

i find that when i do blog, my frustration and (sometimes) doubt is relieved, even if just for a moment. that should be reason one. second, it really is a nice way of looking back on the year and having a good sense of what you finished (or didn't).

belated new years resolution two is related to blogging: to do lists and the follow up. i need to be finished with this degree. yesterday. recently i encountered a blog post by sciencewoman with her list of helpful hints on finishing your phd in a timely fashion. i've already missed the boat on several of her suggestions, but on those that i can salvage... take less time off on holidays, commit to external deadlines, make to do lists and goals, these i can do.

goal one: Chapter outline for dissertation by end the of February.
goal two: Advance to candidacy at end of semester.
goal three: Prep one lecture for class every fortnight.
goal four: Finish data collection for group one by April.

from this I arrive at these to do's for the month of February:
1. email prospectus to entire committee
2. set up pre-prospectus meeting with committee
3. make any edits required for prospectus
4. first draft of outline for dissertation chapters
5. prep two lectures for class
6. talk with adviser on new plan for experiments, including surgery updates
7. order extra batch of experimental animals, begin twice a week data collection
8. analyze any and all data collected
9. prepare presentation for CI class
10. prepare group led discussion for CI class
11. write response paper for business class
12. complete exam one for NEUS class

blast, i'm tired already...

2007: Year in Review

2008-01-01T13:07:00.000-05:00

An end to another year; they seem to pass more quickly as you grow older. 2007 was eventful, blessed, frustrating, sad, the whole gambit...

I shall bullet point for brevity purposes :-)

January
We ring in the new year with Justin and Liz!
We attend Jim and Sarah's BEAUTIFUL winter wedding. Cooper is adorable as always in his little mini tux :-)

February
Ice-storm of 2007 hits Bloomington and IU CANCELS classes?!?!
We become temporary football fans and cheer our Indiana Colts to Superbowl VICTORY!!!
Richie celebrates his 28th birthday with a BOATLOAD of sushi :-)

March
Chantel presents NIH award poster at American Auditory Society in Scottsdale, Arizona.
Brittany graciously visits us for spring break, what a treat! Chantel is SO excited to dote on her baby sister for a week :-)

April
Honestly, April was boring. I'm pretty sure we both spent the entire month working on class projects. Yep, boring.

May
Chantel relives her early 20's by celebrating with Shannon for her 21st birthday.
Chantel spends one more weekend with her AuD friends as she watches them graduate :-)
Richie attends CHI 2007 in Sano Jose, California.
We meet up with the Kowalski's at the Indy Zoo. Cooper's favorite animal by far is the big tortoise.
Richie attends Pervasive 2007 in Toronto; delivers an outstanding workshop on "Designing and Evaluating Ambient Information Systems".
Chantel spends a wonderful weekend with Carrie in South Bend; delighted to see her great grandfather's carvings at the Studabaker mansion.
We spend a fun weekend with the Hazlewoods, where we attend a minor league baseball game (The Marion Miners!) and Honey enjoys rolling in duck poo.
Our nephew, Gavin Nicholas French, arrives healthy and happy to a very excited mommy and daddy :-)

June
We celebrate 3 wonderful years of marriage at the restaurant where we were engaged, Tallent.
We are so blessed to have each other's love and support, and our anniversary night was the perfect celebration of just that.
Chantel turns 27, celebrates with a trip to the Bloomington Speedway for a night of "redneck fun" :-)Chantel and Shannon take a wonderful trip to Florida to meet our new nephew Gavin.

July
Realizing that Gracie's itching is likely due to a food allergy, we begin elimination diet number one: California Natural Lamb and Rice... quite a lot of improvement in itching, but her GI tract does not tolerate the richness of the food well...
We celebrate our country's birthday in style with a bbq on our fancy new grill... mmm... kebobs :-)
Little gray kitty adopts our porch as her home.Tomato harvest of 2007 begins... so many tomatoes...
We visit the Kowalski's for a weekend where Sarah's family takes us boating, Jim shows all of us up on the waterski's, and Cooper becomes a fish.

August
Richie visits Georgia Tech Living Lab; returns in awe.
Richie gets into accident with the Camry, 8 weeks of repairs later, we have a brand new door and side panel.
A new academic year begins at IU, only two more years to go!
Richie begins his qualification exams.

September
Chantel branches out into the athletic scene and takes tennis lessons with Jenya. We are now tennis pros ;-)
Weekly HBO night and Sunday dinners at Jenya's instated, Flight of the Conchords style. Seriously, if you still haven't caught this show and love awkward humor, rent it, you will not regret it.
Richie attends week-long conference in Brazil; sees many beautiful "moons". ;-)
Chantel takes qualification exams for the first time.
Richie advances into candidacy, he is now officially "ABD"!!!
Annual camping trip with friends in a Bloomington area state forest, pyromania ensues.
Lotus Fest 2007: for the first time in 10 years we attend Lotus Fest, an annual world music fest here in Bloomington. It was AMAZING.

October
Our dear friend, Chuck Stringer, passes away on October 11 at the age of 44. His humor and smile are sorely missed.
We take the win for "most creative" at the Mad Scientist Ball as the cast of "Pacman"
Gracie begins food number two: California Natural Herring and Sweet Potato. Two months of chronic diarrhea and stinky dog farts begin.

November
Chantel has the pleasure of meeting her new baby cousin Bella :-)
Thanksgiving at the Hazlewoods. Madeline and Thomas still love jumping on Uncle Richie.
Chantel finally passes her qualification exams, yay!!!

December
We celebrate Cooper's second birthday with him. Cooper blows his candles out at least 4 times :-) Grandpa and Elmo make friends...
We move for the 900th time since arriving in Bloomington: this time house-sitting for 7 months while my PhD mentor is on sabbatical in Australia... we heart living in a house.
Richie attends WisdomTools annual retreat in Chicago, raves about best sushi he's ever had.
Visit with Carrie and family in South Bend. This visit may forever be known as household project disaster of 2007 :-)
Gracie begins new food number 3 in hopes of alleviating her allergies. Honey gorges on potato and duck, she LOVES it.
Our first Christmas at home: Chantel plays hostess to two families for Christmas. Seriously no travel = best Christmas ever!
Happy New Years!!!! Chin Chin! :-)

a friend lost

2007-10-12T08:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was surreal. Started the day by reading an email telling us our dear friend was gravely ill and ended the day toasting him in an Irish Pub in downtown Indy. Chuck Stringer was one of the most genuine and good hearted people I have known and he is missed so much already. One of our friends put it best when he said that this is the type of thing that isn't suppose to happen to our friends for another 40 years. But here we are.

and now back to our scheduled program

2007-10-04T14:51:00.001-05:00

I am free of the doubt. Yes. It has passed, and it feels nice to not be sad most of the time. I started my paper today, and am actually positive about the outcome. I think it was divine inspiration, funny what a little prayer and a little time away from the dramaz with some good friends and a very accommodating husband can do for a girl.

I became determined this morning that this paper is going to be as interesting as possible, even though the subject matter is rather dry and detailed. There is no grand experiment, no major discovery... just review and maybe a little speculation here and there. My goal for this completing this projects involves me completing (at least in a rough manner) a section every two days. At first this seemed to be a little much, but now that I realize that each section should really be 2-3 pages of material, it seems to be an obtainable goal.

Go me.

and now for something completely different

2007-09-25T13:22:00.000-05:00

I understand this whole thing is a process you just have to get through. It's made difficult on purpose, so that only those of us that really want it get it.

So for my next trick, I will be in rewrite mode... with the goal of a pass at the end of 6-8 weeks. Well, maybe goal is too light of a word. A pass is really my only option... unfortunately, just thinking about this makes my stomach turn. I know failure is a part of life, and I know no one makes it through life without failing at some point. I have also been told that now that I've failed, I should be less afraid of it... really??? Cause this is not the reaction I am currently having.

The mere THOUGHT of receiving the question I'm to address in my inbox causes me to retch. Do I think I'm capable of analyzing a problem, forming some commentary or argument based on literature? Sure. Do I think I'm capable of addressing questions in an intelligent manner? Sure. Do I think I can pass this exam? Sure. Am I scared shitless? ABSOLUTELY. Does this make any sense? Not even close.

emo post

2007-09-25T13:21:00.000-05:00

no one understands, but they all think they do.

it's good to have options

2007-09-20T10:04:00.001-05:00

Academia can be extremely frustrating at times... my process of getting through qualifications has been likened to joining a sorority; maybe I'm just too fat or ugly to get in... People keep saying "it's perseverance that will get you through". The question for me becomes "when is it no longer worth the struggle?" To that end, I give you my list of alternative careers, just in case today puts me over the edge...

-Goat farmer/cheese maker (Switzerland may be a good place for this, no?)
-Personal shopper (as I will have no money, I will need to spend someone else's)
-Roadie (I love live music, and I think I could talk my way onto the Andrew Bird tour)
-Dog-walker (New York, for sure, would be the place for this one)
-Hobby enthusiast (I'm not sure this is an actual job, but I can think of a lot of hobbies I'd like to take up...)
-Tailor (always wanted to learn to sew, seems that it would be very rewarding to make clothes)
-Travel book writer (hey, if Steve can do it, why not I?)

At least I have some options...

For my mom

2007-09-18T11:52:00.000-05:00

Thought she might like to see a (albeit horrible) picture of me with darker hair. It's an experiment we're trying. Richie says I should go even darker for a "goth" look... well...

BEFORE
AFTER

disappointment

2007-09-14T13:28:00.000-05:00

Most of the time I surprise myself with how truly strong I can be, and how well I perform under pressure... and then there is the occasional flop. My latest flop happened yesterday. I don't claim to be perfect, far from it... but why is it that the moment in time that I need to be the strongest, do I fear failure to a point that it causes my entire body to freeze? It was a rough day, and today I begin to deal with the consequences. People are disappointed in me, no more than I am in myself I suppose, but it's still not a good feeling all over. I suppose I was due for a blow to my esteem; the last few weeks have been so draining, not just from school, but personally as well. I guess I finally reached a breaking point. Bad timing, but it is over now. Wishing as hard as I can to turn back the clock isn't going to change anything, not sure that it would even matter.

I'm trying to focus on what I need to do next, prepare my ass off for the next step. Focus on the positives, and really kick my game up a notch. But I keep getting caught up in my head, the thoughts of "is this really what I want to do?" keep creeping in.

Get out of your head, Chance, and get into the game.

Richie is in Rio... I am jealous

2007-09-12T16:47:00.001-05:00

I don't really think this is entirely fair. Stupid quals.

tennis blog

2007-09-05T19:36:00.000-05:00

I'm sitting on my couch, recovering from a hazy day (word to the wise, dramamine is not a good sleep aid) watching a little bit of "the tennis". It's amazing to watch women play tennis nowadays. They hit much harder and faster than they used to; I can't even imagine having Venus' physique.
I've only started watching more tennis in the last year or so; I suppose "the Aussie" and fam are wearing off on me a bit. I was supposed to get weekly lessons last summer, as it's a sport I think I'd really enjoy playing, but apparently it rained each of my lesson days. It's probably for the best, one less weekly opportunity for "the Aussie" to make fun of me ;-)

the reply

2007-09-04T16:18:00.001-05:00

Dear Quals

2007-09-04T16:11:00.000-05:00

I'm over you. I think it's time to break up. I'll be needing my t-shirt back.

-Chantel

Obligations

2007-09-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about obligations lately. Obligations are sort of strange beastly things, and we all have to deal with them; moral obligations, societal obligations, self-imposed obligations... But what happens when two obligations are in direct opposition, and what happens when the conflict has been caused by the decisions of other people? What do you do when you are thrust unwillingly into a moral battleground? How do we decide which obligation to let fall to the wayside, and what are the consequences? There probably isn't a right answer, and this is surely something that every one of us has to face at some point.

I wish I could request a mediation. Dear Obligation one and Obligation two, you are requested to work with me in order to come to a compromise. Too bad I don't live on Sesame Street; there doesn't seem to be a compromise available for this one. But all hope is not lost.

place coding, take two

2007-09-02T15:38:00.000-05:00

well, I've spent the past few days musing over my notes on this topic, and while I feel reasonably confident that I could write on it (save citations), there is one little hiccup. One of the broad umbrella questions here is "how do we know tonotopic organization is important?" For this question, I feel a little bit like a mother who's kid just asked why the sky is blue or something like that. Now I know there is a good explanation for the sky being blue, most parents will just say "it just is". Well, tonotopic organization is important because "it just is".

In this whole frequency selectivity argument, there is an important distinction between the two theories of frequency encoding: place and temporal code. The basilar membrane can be equated as a series of bandpass filters, tuned in frequency from high to low due to a graded stiffness. Each point along the basilar membrane is maximally tuned to a particular frequency. This in itself implies that place is important. But where the proof? Well, here it gets a little tricky. There are sort of two approaches I can see taking to answer this question. One approach would be to ask the question, what happens when we lose tonotopic organization? The second is to ask where does the other model (temporal code) fail to explain frequency selectivity? Hmmm... it's quite possible that those mean the same thing... maybe there are subtle differences.

Ok, the first question: what happens if tonotopic organization is lost (or impaired)? How would we impair tonotopicity? Well, for one thing, we could knock out part of the cochlea. The problem with this is that it could also impair the other potential explanation.

And here I am stuck for the moment.

show puppies

2007-08-31T06:39:00.000-05:00

Honey and Gracie were treated to their fall beauty shop appointment yesterday. Gracie hates going; she's not a fan of the blow dryer cages, or her mommy leaving her somewhere that isn't home. When we got home, I realized that Honey's ear infection was not improving with the home treatment, so off to the vet. Honey loves the vet. Three medications, two shots, and a box of heartworm prevention later... I was less of a fan, but maybe that is just my pocketbook speaking.

finally, feminism i can agree with...

2007-08-30T12:30:00.000-05:00

I've been struggling recently with figuring out how to express my opinion on the topic of women's equality, feminism, "women in science", and the like... lucky for me, someone else did it perfectly.

http://www.thecrimson.com/article.aspx?ref=510560

Thank you, Virginia Fisher.

place coding

2007-08-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

The broad topic of the first question of my qualification exam involves place coding in the auditory system. more specifically, I'm to examine frequency selectivity in the normal and impaired auditory systems, discussing the importance of tonotopic organization, and the potential perceptual consequences. I'm not sure what the exact question will be like, but it will involve these topics. Today I'm hoping to do something of an outline going over these main topics and getting a better idea of how the literature fits together.

In a nutshell... the tonotopic organization of the basilar membrane is essential for frequency selectivity. The basilar membrane is graded in stiffness, meaning the mechanical tuning leads to the system having "good" frequency selectivity. This tonotopic organization is maintained throughout the auditory system, including the CANS. Phsyiologically, this has been demonstrated in various experimental paradigms including basilar membrane input/output functions, auditory nerve fiber recordings, recordings made in higher brain centers, etc. However, it is equally important to demonstrate these phenomena behaviorally. This is where psychoacoustics comes in.

And now, back to my notebook :-)

hobby shmobby

2007-08-29T20:02:00.000-05:00

ok, here is the deal. I have been so busy keeping up with the demands of graduate school for the last few years that I've completely lost touch with my hobbies... I haven't touched a piano for years, haven't completed more than one knitting project in well over a year, haven't been to a musical arts event in I don't even know how long, haven't put on my dancing shoes (well except for recent WIUX dance parties)... you get the point. I'm about three weeks from having my schedule clear up a bit, and now I can't decide what to do! Insanity. Should I volunteer somewhere, pick back up one of my long lost hobbies, get involved in a "just for fun" group... the possibilities are endless.I know for sure I want to pick my knitting up again this fall/winter, but just can't get into it much when it's 100 degrees out. I'd LOVE to play the piano again, but quite frankly have lost the courage to try it. I'm pretty sure that my fingers have forgotten "the moves" and I'll completely suck now... but it's definitely not off the table. If only I could find a private, quiet place to play . (I miss my Steinway, mom!)
I started leafing through the seemingly endless volunteer possibilities in Bloomington. The two best options so far seem to be the WonderLab (kids science center) or the Pets ALIVE spay/neuter clinic (I know that sounds weird, but obviously surgeries don't freak me out).
Then there are the new fun possibilities: ceramics class, photography class, knitting circle, or yarn spinning, etc.
Man, I never thought that figuring out how to spend a little spare time would be so difficult.

So what do you think?

patio garden

2007-08-27T08:54:00.000-05:00

my oh my... how my garden has grown

A Summer in Review

2007-08-26T10:07:00.000-05:00

As I prepare to begin another fall semester at IU, I though I would take some time this morning to reflect in the fun I had this summer. I often find that my hasty answer to the "do anything fun this summer" question is "not really"... I guess that really isn't a fair assessment of this particular summer.

The summer started with a pretty fun event: my sister Shannon turned 21! We had a great night out, and I had the chance to finally meet a lot of her friends (whom I love by the way).
I had a blast with my families this summer. Weekends at home were wonderful and relaxing. Spent some time with Ann and Tom before my birthday... went to a baseball game, spent some time fishing on the lake (caught nothing), laughed at the dogs when the wouldn't stop getting in the pond...(This last picture was taken right next to the spot that Richie and I got married three years earlier)

The next week, we celebrated three lovely years of marriage. Richie took us to Restaurant Tallent (where we were engaged); we had a sublime meal. I highly recommend this restaurant to anyone looking for fresh, unique, seasonal food in Bloomington. Next time we go, we will try the chef's selection taster menu.
Next up for our summer of fun was a sushi night at home
and June birthday (including mine) celebration at the Bloomington speedway. I'm really not a race fan, but I have to say, it's one thing you should definitely experience here in town one time...
In mid-June, I traveled to Florida to meet my beautiful new nephew and have some fun with my sister Brit. The beach was beautiful, but couldn't compare with the newest love of my life...
When I returned to Bloomington, I spent a little time at home... took our annual visit to the Taste of Bloomington, spent some fun times with friends at home...
Then, of course, we had to check out Ann's new ride... and the new Southern Illinois winery... (mmm... Sangria)And of course, what summer would be complete without at least a few visits with my family, and my best buddy Cooper! This summer Cooper learned to dance, swim, and is starting to work on his first words... he grows up way too fast!
We also got the chance to try out our sea legs when Sarah's family took us out on their boat. Mom rocked, Jim rocked, and I... well I made it up on my skis, but it wasn't pretty (I still have the bruises to prove it!)Of course, this post isn't an exhaustive list of fun times this summer... I also spent a little bit of time with Carrie, friends here in B-town, and lots of time with Richie and the dogs at home... but I ended the summer last night at the second WIUX dance party with Shan, Mike, and the rest of the WIUX crew...
Thanks for the fun summer, everyone!!!

Car Goes Crunch

2007-08-24T17:25:00.000-05:00

My poor husband had a car minor accident today. Everyone is fine (thank God), but the car didn't fare so well; we can no longer open either passenger door. Hopefully everything will go smoothly with the insurance adjuster, but I'm prepared for this whole thing to be a major pain in the bum.

I was waiting to be picked up when the nastiness happened. Right afterward, Richie called a secretary to ask if she could tell me about it so I could come meet him at the accident site. Unfortunately when she told me, she failed to use the words "he's ok", so I walked about 5-6 blocks in a minor panic. Here are some shots from the scene...

I actually think this picture is kind of neat with the clouds on the windshield (which we just had replaced so the car didn't look ghetto- HA!). Just ignore the whole crunched in door...
We're pretty sure that the other guy's car is going to be totaled... it doesn't look to bad from the picture, but there were various parts of the engine on the ground from another view.

They say bad things come in threes... hopefully we don't have more in store.

Coffee shop banter

2007-08-22T13:57:00.001-05:00

I'm sitting here in a crowded dimly lit coffee house trying to drown out the artwork being pounded on next door and the interesting discussion about photography going on next to me...

I'm supposed to be drafting my thoughts on one of my qualification topics: the mechanisms of generation of otoacoustic emissions. Not an easy question to answer (mainly because there isn't really a perfect answer yet)... but I intend to give it my best shot.

summer's over folks

2007-08-19T11:46:00.000-05:00

well, almost. it's the week in Bloomington that I dread each year... welcome week. The week that my lovely quiet town is overrun again with undergraduate students. I will be avoiding campus at all costs this week, so if you are trying to find me, look somewhere that freshman don't know about yet. Soma would be your first best guess.

Tomato season has arrived. Our two well cared for tomato plants have begun to bless us with yummy red fruit, more than we can possibly consume. Want to make some salsa? Come and pick a few tomatoes at our place. Maybe we should throw a salsa party. hmm...

Quals are in three weeks. My stress level is starting to grow, I can't wait until this is over. Beginning to wonder what on earth I am going to do with my time when I'm not taking five classes and/or studying for qualifications... maybe I'll actually have a bit of spare time for some hobbies again!

busy busy summer

2007-07-11T10:47:00.001-05:00

This has been one of my busiest summers. (Hence the no updates for a month) Generally, people tend to think, oh, she's in school, so she's free in the summer. While I am less stressed and have fewer obligations in the summer, what happens is that all of that free time turns into "who do I need to go visit next?" Don't get me wrong, I love to see every last family member and friend I can when I have the ability to travel more... but a girl does need a break once in awhile. That is what I'm taking for the next two weeks. A break from travel. Sorry to the family I have not driven to see yet, but I'm done for awhile.

Research is a slow going beast. I started up experiments again (hooray!) this past month, but have yet to collect any data (boo!). This is where doing animal experiments starts to drain me. I feel like when I am able to get data, and answer some questions, sacrificing an animal is justifiable. In the name of science and understanding. However, when a string of experiments goes badly, it gets more difficult. Am I doing the right thing? Is this ethical? Questions start to form in my mind that are hard at times to fight. Maybe tomorrow's experiment will fare better, and I will start to feel better again.

Quals are coming up. September is going to be here before I know it. Better do some more reading; I'm feeling so behind. Unfortunately there really isn't much motivation in my house after 6 pm... I want to rest, grill out, hang out with my husband. I just need to make more of an effort during the day. Ok, new goal for the week... three papers a day. Maybe I'll feel better when I can check some more papers of the reading list. And maybe posting about my progress will keep me motivated. Speaking of motivated... time to work!

Until tomorrow...

my little garden

2007-06-05T09:32:00.000-05:00

I decided to plant a little garden this summer.

Usually I plant flowers only, but I loved growing up with fresh veggies right outside our door, so I decided to try a little vegetable garden this year. I've planted tomatoes and some herbs and all are doing wonderfully! I have about 2 dozen little tomatoes growing and ripening, and soon it will be time for fresh salsa!

Loving Summer

2007-06-03T09:22:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile, I know. The end of last semester was insane, so I haven't updated in awhile. Summer in Bloomington has to be one of my favorite times. The students are gone, IU is beautiful with blooming flowers at every turn, classes are casual (or nonexistent as is the case with me!), and I have just enough spare time to enjoy all the outdoor activities I love! Well, maybe just slightly under just enough ;-) The summer is turning out to be a little more hectic than I expected. I started my summer internship a few weeks ago (requirement of the Au.D.) at ENT Associates here in town. I am enjoying seeing patients again and I've learned a lot about what the "real" world of audiology is like. It's much faster paced, there are billing and business issues to deal with, there are more configurations of hearing loss other than a sloping bilateral presbycusic loss... I think I've seen more interesting cases in three weeks than I did in my entire time at the IU clinic.

Besides clinic, I'm assisting Rob with a consulting project about 2 days a week, and studying for quals whenever I can. I'm hoping to take the exam at the end of the summer, but I've not been happy with my progress in reading the material I need to prepare yet, so I might have to push it back a bit into September. The summer is going by WAY too fast.

a new nephew

2007-05-29T09:40:00.001-05:00

We are all so happy that Gavin Nicholas has finally arrived! He was born this past Friday night, and is just perfect. We are very proud of Brittany and Ben! Welcome to the big world, little man!

Pictures of Gavin

2007-05-29T09:39:00.001-05:00

well folks

2007-04-16T20:05:00.000-05:00

one more day of grant writing, and I'll have this project done. Justin was trying to convince me that I should actually try to submit it in June, which is probably not a bad suggestion. I already have secured funding for next year, but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to go for a longer grant. (I'm writing the grant for two years right now)

I also give my modeling presentation on Friday. Rob gave me some good suggestions on how to add a few slides that will help to clarify the material for people who aren't up to speed with my topic. I'll also be taking out some of the data slides, since I only have 20 minutes... Once these two projects are finished, I'll be nearly finished with my semester, and can move on to more important projects.

My good friend Stacey came in town this weekend for the alumni soccer game. We had a really nice brunch on Sunday morning at the Village Deli (mmm... banana pancakes!!!) and went to church. Hopefully we'll get to visit together soon!

Hope everyone has a great week!

grr...

2007-04-15T14:06:00.001-05:00

I just realized that I've ended several posts now with grr... I'm so lame.

procrastination

2007-04-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

is biting me in the ass again...

Writing this grant is proving to be a huge pain. Pain like I want to shoot myself in the head pain. It makes me wish I was a better writer, a better reader, and above all else, smarter. I'm trying to convey concepts that took me over a year to fully grasp in a matter of 10 pages to an audience that will surely have no idea what I'm talking about. I've sat here in front of the computer for the past two days, staring blankly at my screen, attempting to make some attempt at an outline, and I've come to the point where I just need to start writing. It also doesn't help that over the last week I've come to realize that I've poorly defined my central hypothesis, so really I should rewrite specific aims as well... grr.

busy week

2007-04-06T15:44:00.000-05:00

Spent most of the week working on my presentation or rather figuring out equations for my presentation. That's about it.

Had a great weekend at home with the fam last weekend. Weather was beautiful! I can really understand why my parents love their new place so much. Cooper is growing and growing, and he never stops moving! Andy taught him the joys of throwing rocks into the pond, so we spent over an hour on Sunday doing that.Of course Honey and Gracie made a beeline for the pond, what a total pain. At least mom and dad's pond isn't a mucky as the one in Illinois, or they would have been banned from the house, and then Cooper wouldn't have gotten to eat Honey.

well, maybe not

2007-03-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

read the Zweig, 1991 paper yesterday and today in an attempt to parse the current model, including the wave equations. wow. i think i'm starting to get bits and pieces, but this might be one of the most difficult reads i've thus encountered.

in an attempt to simplify, i'd like to start working on a flow chart just to see the basic elements i need for the model. unfortunately, this is easier said than done. this is one of my biggest problems. i can understand concepts, and maybe even describe them to someone (even outside of my field), but putting it all on paper is highly frustrating. grr...

modeling

2007-03-22T15:57:00.000-05:00

I've been hard at work at the questions I addressed in my last blog. So far I've figured out a few things...

some assumptions of the CRF model:
The model is linear, and therefore assumes validity only in the low-level linear area near the threshold of hearing. This is interesting because I am actually testing the model using a broad range of intensity levels, meaning much of what I measure will not be fully incorporated into the current model. I'm going to have to try to add this into the flowchart of the model somehow.

The model assumes that there is spatial dependence- in other words the cochlea has a frequency/space mapping. This is a pretty standard component of any cochlear model, but it means that I have to figure out the wave equation. I'm planning to do some major thinking and researching this weekend. Rob gave us a model he is working on, and I plan to use it as a starting point. Hopefully by next Friday I will have made significant strides.

The model assumes a long-wave approximation. Shera tested this assumption in 2005, and I'm in the process of working through his conclusions. The basic conclusion, however, is that this is not a terribly off assumption.

The model assumes the mechanical properties of the cochlear partition vary irregularly with position. This is consistent with previous arguments.

I've also been working through the equations dealing with R. This is somewhat related to the other project we have been working on in middle ear (which is another blog topic altogether). I've been looking at the SFOAE profile v. frequency and looking at the regular oscillations present. It's pretty obvious to me now that these are standing waves, and they are coming from the cochlea/stapes area. Yes, it all comes back to impedance.

I've found a few more papers to read and will update on my progress again soon.

I also have a far better understanding of the opposing research. Siegel used a "suppressor" tone far basal from the stimulus in order to eliminate the base of the cochlea as a contribution source. He used a tone far enough away from the area of measurement that the suppressor isn't truly suppressing, but it's doing something. I have my suspicions about what it's doing, and I've added a new test to my protocol. I really can't wait to get back into the booth to put all of this to the test.

My goal for this weekend is to put all of this together, and do a little Matlab coding to test out my ideas.

back to business

2007-03-20T21:21:00.000-05:00

First, a Cooper update: How cute is this baby?!?! Every time I see a new picture of him, he gets a little less baby faced and a little more toddler. He is really starting to look just like Jim, and it seems he has also inherited Jim's love for baseball. I'm hoping to head home in a few weeks for a visit. Miss you, buddy!

Had a nice break and visit with my sis, but now I've got to get back to work...

we're making a presentation in Rob's phsyiology class about how we can incorporate modeling into our research. This isn't a difficult question for my research because I'm basically testing the predictions of a popular model, so I've got the basic idea for my presentation nailed down. Now come the nuts and bolts. Here's the thing... I'm NOT a mathematician, so delving into the math in the model I'm testing is giving my brain a huge workout.

The big questions I'm working on answering in regards to the theory of CRF are:
What are the major assumptions in the model?
How is cochlear reflectance (R) calculated, and how does this relate to the middle ear sound pressure recordings?
What is Bragg scattering, and how does this relate to R?
What are the major parameters in the model, and can they be represented?

The other part of my presentation will focus on research that has been done that contradicts the predictions of the CRF model, ie group delays measured in chinchilla when a suppressor tone is added to the recording paradigm are much shorter than CRF would predict.

The big questions I'm working on answering in regards to this research are:
Is the method in which the researcher calculates group delay underestimate delay?
How can suppression alter the basilar membrane excitation pattern?

This modeling project has been (thus far) extremely useful in terms of gaining a more in depth understanding of the background of my research. I'm pretty certain that a good part of the introduction/background for my dissertation will come out of this project. Excitement!!!

family fun

2007-03-11T22:13:00.000-05:00

Spring break has arrived, and what could make for a better vacation than a visit from your little sister? My "baby" sister Brittany is up for a visit from Florida, and we are having a wonderful time. I haven't seen Brit in almost three years, which boggles my mind. I'm very happy that she was willing to travel up here to see us, even as she is about to become a mommy. I think she is going to be a wonderful mother, and we've spent a lot of time so far in her visit talking about her perspective on parenting. I'm very proud of her, and I seriously love being an auntie.

We had a nice visit with our aunts and uncles, long overdue. Ray pulled out some slides, and we took a little walk down memory lane. It was so strange to see some of the pictures in the slideshow. They were all quite old, taken long before my sisters were born, but there were still many things that I remembered. The old brown chair my great-grandmother always sat in, the huge television set at my grandfathers house, Christmas when I was a toddler... it was very surreal. Mike was trying to be cool, as usual, and failing, as usual.

I have a lot of work to catch up on this week. I need to catch up on my statistics homework, review specific aims for my classmates, read a lot, and start working on my modeling project. I'm starting to formulate some ideas, but I really need to sit down and chart it out.

Final days of AAS

2007-03-08T09:47:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful time in Arizona. Rob's talk was well received (considering it was finished less than an hour before the presentation time). Doug Keefe did comment on why was Rob giving the talk and not me (since I was listed as first author), Rob started his talk with a joke in that he was third author, he was the least important, and therefore was made to talk by the rest of us. Heh...

The closing reception was held at the Phoenix art museum, which was nice, but had a bit too much "American" art for my taste (I prefer classic religious art). They had a Dutch Masters exhibit running, but it was a pretty small exhibit for an 18 dollar price tag.
About 30 seconds after I took this picture (you can't really tell, but it is a bunch of hanging pieces of charred wood), a security guard came and insisted on searching my bag. I thought he'd tell me I wasn't allowed to take pictures, but then he said a nearby sculpture had been lifted, and they were locking down the museum to try to recover it. Seriously, who steals art? Thankfully, whoever it was, they were caught, and I assume now in BIG trouble.

In addition to the mystery theft, we had the opportunity to meet a very nice researcher from Poland, who was teasing Rob for picking on a young female student at her poster. She told him that he was too critical of her, and he could intimidate her out of continuing her studies. I think she was very frank (which I like, she reminded me of my aunt Anna), and I know Rob appreciated her comments. However, I'm not in total agreement. I worry about how women can be perceived as weak, frail creatures, especially in a time where we are all supposed to be equal. Besides that, I was quite looking forward to tough questions and critiques for my poster. Perhaps this it because I've been trained by Rob, who values this in our training. I have to say that part of presenting my work is looking for ideas that I missed, and this comes from people being extra critical. I feel very lucky to have Rob as my mentor, and I know, especially now, that I will be well prepared for a career in science when I leave IU. Rob has truly taught me the importance and joy of quality research, and of course recruited Kelly into the lab! Way to be the smartest guy around, Rob!
I am also grateful to the program committee of the American Auditory Society and to the NIH for awarding me a Mentored Student Travel Award so that I was able to make this trip.

With that I say goodbye, Arizona! See you next year!!!

A Polish legend

2007-03-06T15:39:00.000-05:00

I had the unique and wonderful opportunity to be present as a very famous Pole received a very distinguished award at this meeting.

Dr. Jozef Zwislocki is a native of Poland, whose family escaped in 1939. He holds degrees in electrical engineering and an Sc.D. in technical sciences at the Federal Institute of Technology in Zurich, Switzerland. He taught and conducted research for more than 35 years at Syracuse University, retiring in 1992 as Distinguished Professor of Neuroscience at the Institute for Sensory Research (ISR). He is recognized as one of the world's leading auditory researchers, with a teaching and research speciality in the auditory system and its psychophysics, biophysics, and psychophysiology.

In 1958, the ISR was established under his direction at Syracuse University. In 1970, he invented the "Zwislocki Coupler," an artificial ear that determines the amount of current needed in an earphone to produce a particular sound intensity at the eardrum. This is among his 12 patents in hearing aid technologies. More recently, he has invented a sound muffling device for industrial application.

As a part of the award presentation, it was very exciting to see his colleagues from Poland giving him their thanks and appreciation. Many researchers from Poland made a very long journey to present him with a beautiful framed photograph of his family with his grandfather, who was perhaps the greatest president in Poland's history. Dr. Zwislocki gave a wonderful speech in which he told a story of having recently been fit with hearing aids, and how he recognized some of the procedures still used today in clinical audiology were those he had invented. We all thank Dr. Zwislocki for his many wonderful contributions to our field, and are honored to have "shared air" with him.

AAS day three, a day late

2007-03-06T15:35:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures from yesterday! The poster was well accepted (although I missed my photo op, so I'll take a pic when we get back). Had a great meal with Rob, Kelly, and Larry Humes at a little place in downtown Scottsdale. Wonderful Italian food, with FRESH YUMMY fish!!! mmmm.....

AAS day two

2007-03-04T22:10:00.000-05:00

We had a pretty great day today here in Scottsdale. Attended some good talks and some not so good talks, and I am really enjoying the weather. The posters are tomorrow, and while I'm looking forward to it, I'm getting just a little bit nervous. I got crap for sleep last night, and I really hope that I sleep well tonight. Tylenol PM here I come... I also made a huge mistake and tried to walk around in my heels all day, and got what I think is the hugest blister I've ever had in my life. See?

ahhh, the desert...

2007-03-03T18:15:00.000-05:00

I love Arizona. I'm here in Scottsdale for the second time to attend the American Auditory Society meeting. This is where I spent my afternoon (meeting starts tomorrow). I will present my poster on Monday, and I will try to upload some more pictures as we go.

missing mom and lions

2007-03-02T10:20:00.000-05:00

My mom played her new composition for me the other night. Although listening to her through a cell phone sucks, it is probably my favorite thing she's ever written. Mom is so amazingly talented, it's sick. I miss the piano and being surrounded by music all the time. I know I should attend more events at our music school, but in a way, it just makes me miss mom more.

In other news, I recently recieved a scholarship from the Lion's Club. This is an organization I intend to be a part of someday. They are doing wonderful work, and give a lot of support to Speech and Hearing. Here is a really goofy picture of me recieving the award. I really take horrible pictures, don't I?

specific aims

2007-03-01T14:35:00.000-05:00

I am currently working on writing a NIH F31 predoctoral training grant. Writing the grant is an assignment for my research and ethics course, however, seeing as how tight funding is, I think I will try to submit the grant this summer. I'm putting together the specific aims part of the grant now, which is basically the hardest part. The proposal I am submitting would support my dissertation research. The following is a brain dump...

Otoacoustic emissions are sounds that originate in the cochlea that can be measured in the ear canal with a sufficiently sensitive microphone. Kemp made the first recordings in 1979, and since their discovery, otoacoustic emissions have been used to investigate an objective approach to measuring auditory sensitivity. In other words, right now, clinicians must rely on behavioral (subjective) measurements to test hearing thresholds, and finding an objective measurement could be described as one of the holy grails of hearing research. We have made some strides in our knowledge of the physiological mechanisms which underlie otoacoustic emissions (OAEs), but we are still far from having a thorough understanding.

Traditionally, OAEs were classified based on the type of stimuli that was used to evoke them (ie- pure tone, broadband, no stimuli), and is has been thought that OAEs (of all types) arise from the outer hair cells, or as a by-product of some action of the outer hair cells. However, in recent years, however, it has been suggested that all types of emissions are the result of a complex interaction between two generation mechanisms, "place-fixed" and "wave-fixed". The relative contribution each of these makes might be dependent on the type of stimulus used to evoke the OAE. The type of emission I am interested in is what is known as the stimulus-frequency OAE (SFOAE), which is an emission evoked by using a pure tone stimulus (seen to left).

Zwieg & Shera (1995) presented a model of SFOAEs called the Coherant Reflectance Filtering Theory, which argued that SFOAEs are dominated by energy from the peak of the traveling wave. In other words, there are random pertubations along the basilar membrane, it is not smooth, and these pertubations reflect energy back to the middle ear. In the case of a pure tone stimuli, the energy reflected back is dominated by the relatively small range of random pertubations from the traveling wave envelope. If this is the case, the model predicts that the delay of the SFOAE measured in the ear canal represents the time it takes the energy to travel from the ear canal to the peak of the traveling wave and back to the ear canal, which is approximately 1.5-1.7 times the delay of the energy to travel from the ear canal to the peak of the traveling wave. If this is correct, then SFOAE might represent a good, noninvasive estimate of basilar membrane travel time, and might have implications for the clinical investigation of cochlear pathology.

Siegel, et al. (2004), however, found substantially shortened group delays in chinchilla, and also found that by adding a high frequency suppressor tone, amplitudes of the SFOAEs were reduced. He argues that his results suggest a distributed region of generation, rather than a localized region of generation as Zweig & Shera propose.

We will explore the spatial generation site of SFOAEs in at least two species of animals. We will record SFOAEs before and after damaging the base of the cochlea . The specific aims of the study are:

(1) to determine if the amplitude of the SFOAE decreases after traumatization. If the SFOAE is generated from a distributed region of the cochlea, the amplitude of the SFOAE will decrease.

(2) to determine if the group delay of the SFOAE increases after traumatization. If the SFOAE is generated from a distributed region of the cochlea, the group delay of the SFOAE will increase.

Preliminary results (to be presented at the 2007 meeting of the American Auditory Society) do not support either hypothesis. In other words, our results to date support the predictions of CRF theory, or that the SFOAE is generated from the tip region of the traveling wave.

(3) repeat Siegel's experiment to explore extraneous factors that may have led to his result of shortened group delays and decreased amplitudes with the addition of a high frequency supressor tone.

ok... dump complete... still need to work on expressing this in a more concise fashion, and come up with some "payoff" paragraph. I think grant writing must be one of the more difficult things we do in research. This grant will be critiqued by someone who knows very little about this area as well as an expert. Yikes... I am working through a chapter in a grant writers workshop book that was given to me in class. I think I will purchase one; it does seem to be very useful.

Why didn't you just say that?

2007-03-01T10:39:00.000-05:00

I'm taking this multiple linear regression course this semester, and I'm slightly annoyed by it. Rather than use software that some of us might have used before (SPSS, R, Matlab, etc), the instructor decided to use something that no one uses (including himself). Ok, experimental, I can deal with that. However, this software has absolutely no manual, user help site, message board, nothing. The textbook is supposed to act as a user guide, but is written in such a way that it is nearly impossible to find what you are looking for. Grr... throw me a bone here, people.

starting something new

2007-02-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

Basically being a PhD student is like going on a long roller coaster ride where the highs are high, but the lows, man, the lows are so low, and there are some twisty parts for good measure... I'm definitely looking forward to an upward climb at some point soon. Juggling four classes, a research agenda, and home life is turning out to be quite a challenge this semester. My poor husband must be ready to chuck me! So rather than freak out on a daily basis because I can't make sense of what is going on in my busy life, (hopefully) daily posting on this blog will help to keep my life in order. Good luck, you say? We shall see...