disappointment

Most of the time I surprise myself with how truly strong I can be, and how well I perform under pressure... and then there is the occasional flop. My latest flop happened yesterday. I don't claim to be perfect, far from it... but why is it that the moment in time that I need to be the strongest, do I fear failure to a point that it causes my entire body to freeze? It was a rough day, and today I begin to deal with the consequences. People are disappointed in me, no more than I am in myself I suppose, but it's still not a good feeling all over. I suppose I was due for a blow to my esteem; the last few weeks have been so draining, not just from school, but personally as well. I guess I finally reached a breaking point. Bad timing, but it is over now. Wishing as hard as I can to turn back the clock isn't going to change anything, not sure that it would even matter.

I'm trying to focus on what I need to do next, prepare my ass off for the next step. Focus on the positives, and really kick my game up a notch. But I keep getting caught up in my head, the thoughts of "is this really what I want to do?" keep creeping in.

Get out of your head, Chance, and get into the game.